'Why Can't We Share Our Pain?'

This is a photograph from the 24:7 production of Temp/Casual, featuring the original Stick, Karl Dobby (on the left).

Karl recently left the acting profession to become an agent. I was curious as to why and e-mailed him to ask. This is what he said:

"Right, there were lots of reasons why I knocked acting on the head. None of them being the main one but all being a big contribution to the decision. There were things like... my heart not being 100% in it, not getting excited when I was offered jobs, the unreliability of it all, never seeing my girlfriend. Along with a hundred more.

It was a really hard decision because it was all I'd ever known as an adult. All I had ever done was go from acting job to acting job to bar job to acting job. My life always had an unpredictability and no guarantee that I was going to be able to pay next months rent. Don't get me wrong, it was really exciting and a lot of fun but I felt like it had a limited shelf life. Especially when you add all the other reasons I talked about to it as well.

When I started thinking about my future too I wanted a bit more stability. Which was quite a confusing thought purely because every one always talks about getting away from the boring structure and rigidity of a job and for me it was the exact opposite. I just wanted some formality to my life. I found it really exciting because it was a complete flip on all I knew.

Although I knew I wanted to leave the performing world I knew I didn't want to leave the business behind. Working out what I was going to do took about a year of thinking and trying. I tried being a PA, a researcher and a few others in between but once I landed on Agenting it was like the idea was made for me. It was the only job that excited me, challenged me and kept me inside the industry to the level I wanted. It also gave me the best opportunity to keep seeing as much theatre as I like to.

I've been at it for 8 months now and I've worked for 3 different companies. Representing big names and some even bigger personalities. I've been offered 5 different jobs and I got head-hunted once. I'm still loving it just as much as I did at the start. It gets harder each day but also gets more rewarding."

So there you have it. Anyway, that's enough about Karl, it's time to talk about me. Recently, lots of people have asked me the question - 'Steve, where do you get your ideas from?' Actually, that's complete bollocks; nobody has ever asked me that question, but for the purposes of this piece, I'm going to pretend otherwise (pretend you didn't read the last bit.)

'We're all in pain - why can't we share our pain?'

That line comes from Mike Leigh's film Secrets & Lies. If there's one connecting thread between all the plays I've written, then it's that the characters are in pain - struggling, and desperate to reach out. I'm not talking about physical pain here but emotional pain; hurt, shame, grief, fear. All those difficult emotions which society tells us to suppress because if we display them publicly, then we risk mockery and ridicule. So we block and hide our pain, became addicts of different sorts (if nothing else we're a nation of workaholics - surely the most pernicious addiction of all), and go out into the world with a smiley mask fastened to our face, a mask which betrays our true feelings. What would happen if we took the mask off? Would society fall apart? I don't think so. The world might become a kinder, more benevolent place. 

I speak from experience. Over the last few years I've been forced to deal with some painful emotions, and on occasion have genuinely feared for my sanity. The German philosopher Nietsche believed his suffering had made him a much deeper person (though he never had a girlfriend and for the last few years of his life lived with his mum - loser!). Yes, suffering is the touchstone of spiritual growth and my own misery has made me a much more empathic person. As a writer, this has helped me get into the head space of characters who are literally going through the depths of despair. If nothing else, I want audiences to be moved by the experience of Temp/Casual; if they are then I've done my job.

'We're all in pain ...'

 

Recently I watched a documentary called Shed Your Tears and Walk Away, which is about addiction and suicide in Hebden Bridge. Yes, pretty little Hebden Bridge, the West Yorkshire village with its quirky craft shops, artist studios and boho cafes. To say this film paints a bleak picture is an understatement: it makes Nil By Mouth look like Wall-E. Over the 18 months this film was shot, there were appriximately 15 deaths in the town, most of them people under 40, and all related to booze or drugs; many of these people were friends of the director (I think 5 of them were suicides). It's almost like a plague is sweeping through the town. Some scenes are dificult to watch but it's a moving experience. And in spite of their behaviour, these people are very honest in articulating the causes of their unhappiness. This is most apparent in a man nicknamed 'Silly' (which is short for Silcock or something); for reasons never explained, he had left Hebden Bridge in his twenties, joined the Foreign Legion and later served in Rwanda, where he has seen some horrific sights. Back in Hebden Bridge, he's now a binge drinker, spiralling into self destruction to numb his pain and stop the nightmares.        

Again, I've gone off at a tangent but you'll get used to it. 'Where do you get your ideas from?' Well, there's too much suffering in the world and stories like the one I've just mentioned need to be heard. Writers don't need to look very far for inspiration - all I have to do is step outside the front door. What's the last line of Chekhov's Three Sisters? 'Will we ever know why we suffer so much?' It's a question I keep asking. Well, somebody has to.

Time to do the weekly shopping. Even tortured artists need to eat.